Question: What lasts for 3 minutes and 24 seconds, is full of lies, and damn sure won’t please my wife?
Close, but that’s not it.
Answer: The stupid goddamn “how to” videos I watched that said changing a freaking garbage disposal is easy.
I’m serious. I watched two of them. One of them was only 3 minutes and 24 seconds. The other one was like 5 minutes and 10 seconds. One was from Lowe’s, the other from Home Depot. (more…)
Well, here it is, two goddamn days before Thanksgiving and people are falling all over themselves to shit on American history. I’ve just seen my third Facebook version of the old: “Oh, those poor Native Americans were so nice when they showed those evil Pilgrim assholes how to hunt and plant corn, and yet, wow, look how that backfired!”
Do people think all four hundred years of history happened in the same damn week?
John Frederick Andersen – my grandfather – Navy pilot (image from Life magazine, Nov. 1940)
As I sit here in my study this Veterans Day, writing sci-fi and fantasy like I usually do, it struck me how fortunate I am to be, well, sitting here in my study writing sci-fi and fantasy like I usually do. Something was bugging me as I worked—making stuff up, dreamy, silly stuff in the greater scheme of things—and I felt like I ought to write something else today. (more…)
Once upon a time, two Americans fought in a burning house. Flames raged all around them, crackling and roaring, pine studs in the walls popping explosively, furniture engulfed and hissing fumes of heated chemistry. The human voices of the belligerents harmonized with the noise of the fire, their shouts of hate and rage. They blasted each other with their fists and their feet and their profanity, fury risen in them to degrees like unrelenting piety. (more…)
I first noticed her by the dull rumble of her smoker’s voice, low enough that the words disappeared in the same way that whatever a river is saying is lost upon us as we stand upon the bank. But the sound was there, and so I glanced up, saw her, her iPhone wrapped in Malibu pink, rumbling away in a Winston cigarette whisper to whoever was on the other end. And that is fine; this is not to cast aspersions on either cell phones or those who smoke—lord knows in California we’ve got laws to asperse those folks in volumes as it is, the poor bastards standing fifty feet from buildings in the sleet and pouring rain (damn them for their vices, for they surely needed a better lobby for their habits like, thank God, all mine have). No, it was not to judge her that I watched, but simply awareness of the distinct and common rarity of such a throaty temblor of a voice, its incessant nature like an earthquake underway, and it attracted my attention as such things will do. (more…)
The first draft version of the fourth book in the Galactic Mage Series is done (first draft, not finished novel). As I have mentioned before, the series will be done in trilogies, so basically book 4 is the first of the second series trilogy. Hopefully that makes sense. My plan is to write first drafts of the next two books in the series before going back and revising the one I just finished. Additionally, I have started a prequel that I’ve been talking about doing for the last year and a half, which is dedicated to one of my favorite characters, Ilbei Spadebreaker. I’ve gotten lots of very positive feedback about him (sometimes awash in rage lol), and he’s just fun to write. I’m hoping to finish that story this month if at all possible, while I am working out some stuff on the outlines for books 5 and 6 in the main series. (more…)
I’m writing this as an official declaration to all my family, friends, neighbors, business associates, acquaintances, fans, foes, elves, orcs, pets and anyone else I can’t think of to put on this list. This is my official declaration that YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK when it comes to reading my book(s). You don’t have to read it to be my friend, family, acquaintance, etc. And you certainly don’t have to apologize or feel guilty or do that awkward excuses thing when you see me for the first time in a while. I can see how uncomfortable people are, and it’s frustrating, because, well, nobody should feel awkward just because I wrote a book. I don’t feel awkward about not visiting you at your job. So you don’t have to feel awkward about not participating or visiting my work, so to speak. And I know it happens, because I see it all the time. I know that in your head, you just know the book is going to come up somehow, and you still haven’t gotten to it yet, or you really, really don’t want to read it at all, but saying so seems mean or something. It’s not mean, nor should you have any guilt about it. (more…)
Did you know that spiders wipe their asses on your lips at night? They do it while you are sleeping. Many people don’t realize this, but it’s true. While you are ignorantly dreaming away, they climb up on your face, all those little spider feet touching your skin, tippy-toeing around, taking a drink from the salty fountain of your tear ducts, and then, they poop in the corners of your eyes. They do. That’s what that “sand” in your eyes every morning is. (more…)
Well, my experience with the opening trilogy of The Galactic Mage series has been awesome. I am awed by how wonderful readers have been, and how willing people have been to try out a new author in science fiction and fantasy. I can’t even explain how grateful I am to everyone who has bought my books, and all the emails and support I’ve gotten from readers have been amazing. So now, I want to give at least a little something back. Hence this contest here and on Facebook. So, here’s what it is: (more…)
I’m writing this for a writer friend of mine who is struggling right now as an artist. She’s hit a rough patch on the already rough road of writing, and now she’s wondering if she even is “a writer” at all. She’s wondering if she is “a real author” at all. And I’ve seen other people ask themselves this question a lot. I’ve seen them beat themselves up about the very same thing they love. I’ve seen long debates on writers’ forums about indie authors versus traditional authors, different people arguing about whether indie or “self-published” (a pejorative to many) are or are not “real” authors from the start. Some argue that people who write, no matter if published at all, are writers. Others will say that a writer is only a “real” author based on some abstract criteria they’ve dug up, some corporate approval thing, etc., while some others affix any number of arbitrary sales figures or income figures to their understanding of what it means to be a “real” author. Again, etc.
I think they are all missing the point. (more…)